The Calendar
by frombluetored
Summary: ""Today I love you triple." he says, and when his mother laughs, he thinks that it sounds prettier than the sea." Manny Odair deals with the uncertainties of Father's Day.


**A/n**: Right so I know I STILL need to update...but baby Odair inspiration hit and it's much happier inspiration :) also who even knows if Panem still has things like Father's Day, but for the sake of this story, it was introduced after the Capitol was overthrown.

* * *

When the cheerful bell in the schoolyard rings at exactly 3:02 per usual, the sound of excited chattering and laughter can be heard all throughout the school.

Children rise from their desks and gather their things, milling about and waiting for their friends to do the same, and then begin filing from their respective classrooms one by one. All except for one small boy in Miss Ruth's kindergarten class.

He's got brown hair that's reflecting back the afternoon sunshine, and at the current moment in time, he's a little nervous. His teacher is standing at the blackboard with her back to him, removing the day's lessons and reminders and handwriting guides, and she has no idea that the little boy is still there. He is quiet as he stands and quiet as he walks.

He falters a few feet back from her, his words dying at the back of his throat. He's five and a big boy now, and he keeps reminding himself that, but for some reason he can't get himself to tug on her skirt and ask her what he needs to ask. He can feel the question burrowing painfully underneath his skin and behind his eyes and in the back of his throat and it hurts and he wonders for a moment if this is what his mommy feels like when she's Away. He feels like he would very much like to go Away.

Miss Ruth must sense his presence, because she spins around quickly a second later. The boy feels a bit better when her eyes soften upon spotting him. She gives him a smile and sets a hand on the top of his head.

"Hey, buddy! You better get your bag, I'm sure your mommy is waiting outside for you." She tells him.

He smiles at her because he loves her very much and for a second all he can think of is that he wants to please her. She wants him to get his bag, so he will get his bag. He walks over to the cubbies beside the door and scans his eyes over them until they snag on a green one. His mother helped him decorate his nametag for his green cubby the night before his first day of school. He had loved that night so much. Not as much as he loves his mommy, though. He loves seeing it now because it reminds him of how happy she looked, with him in her lap and the bright markers and crayons strewn about the table. _"We'll dot the i with a sea turtle!" _She told him. He turned in her lap, forgetting his nervousness about his first day of Big Kid School, and watched her face as she carefully pinned a small sea turtle above the letter she called an "eye". He could see it then, leaking from her eyes. He could see that she loved him.

He walks over to the cubby that says Manning (with a sea turtle on top of an eye that isn't really an eye) and starts to pull his bookbag free. But then his hands get stuck. That happens sometimes. He always tells his mommy or his Joey and one of them kisses it better, but they aren't here today, so he just stands there, scared to do anything at all because he is frozen because he wants to do one thing but feels he should do something else. Mostly he is scared of messing up and making someone he loves not love him anymore. And giant squids. He's scared of them, too.

Miss Ruth's shoes make a soft sound as she approaches him. She sets a warm hand on his shoulder and kneels down beside him. He can't look at her because he thinks he might cry and he doesn't want to do that because he is a big boy.

"What's wrong, Manny?" She asks him softly. Big people always know when something is wrong, even when little people hide it so well. Manny thinks they must have a secret radar inside their pockets that buzzes when a kid is sad. His mommy's and his Joey's radars must be extra strong because they never, ever miss it.

He can't look at her until she pulls him into a tight hug. Hugs are the best medicine. His mommy told him that and his mommy never tells lies. Only bad people tell lies. And when he remembers that, he knows that he has to tell Miss Ruth what's wrong, because he is not a bad boy and he doesn't lie.

He pulls back a bit and looks up at her face. Manny thinks she's very pretty because she is so pretty inside. She always smiles and always laughs and never yells at anyone. Not even Brine who doesn't sit still when he is supposed to. He is reassured by her love and finds the words he has been hiding (like he hid the stray cat who needed milk)(she is still in their outside shed)(her name is Star only no one knows that)(she's Manny's best friend but no one knows that either).

"Is tomorrow really Father's Day?" He asks her. He is mad because those aren't the words that he wanted to say. It wasn't the question. Sometimes the words get stuck, too, but still there is no mommy or Joey to help him.

Miss Ruth's eyes soften even more. She lowers her arms from his shoulder slowly and crosses them over her chest instead. Joey always does that when she's cold or sad and Manny wonders if Miss Ruth is cold or sad. Mommy does it when she's mad so Manny wonders if she's mad, too.

"Yeah, buddy. It is." She answers him. Her words have that secret tone to them that Manny has a hard time putting words to in his head. It's the kind of tone that his mommy uses when she buys a pie at the bakery. "We have pie," she'd say, "_but _you can't eat it until after dinner." Miss Ruth's words have the "but" sound, like she isn't finished talking, but Manny waits and waits and she doesn't say anything else. She must be waiting for him.

"Well, I don't know if I will be healthy tomorrow. I might be sick. I don't know." Manny says, but then he's frowning so hard his forehead hurts, because he just told a lie! That was a lie! He is a bad boy. His lower lip trembles and he thinks that he would like to be a big person now. They never have trouble getting the words free. And they know so many of them, too.

Miss Ruth glances at the door nervously, but when Manny looks, he doesn't see anything there.

"I hope you won't be sick. We would miss you a lot." She tells him. It looks like the truth and that makes him sadder.

"Miss Ruth?" He asks, just to make sure she's listening. Just to make sure she's not Away. It is always good to make sure big people aren't Away before you ask them big questions.

"Yes, Manny?" She asks. She is talking to him like Aunt Remei talks to mommy when she's sad. Or like how his mommy talked to Joey the one and only time he saw her cry. But he doesn't like to think about that. (Mostly because it was his fault. He splashed water on her. Sometimes he forgets things, like how to tie his shoes, or that water makes Joey so very sad). It makes his chest feel bad, like something is squeezing, or Star gained a ton of weight and curled up on top of him.

"I can't do the Father breakfast or the Father art activity or the Father field trip." He tells her. And he has to walk into her embrace because he feels a little shaky.

She rubs his back and it makes him feel a little better, but he wishes it was his mommy. He worries then that she's waiting outside all alone. He doesn't like to ever think of his mommy alone.

"That's okay, buddy. Hey, it's okay. It's fine. We'll do all those activities together, okay? It can be Teacher Day for you and Student Day for me. I can't have a Father's Day, either." She says.

"_It's okay_" is a big person phrase that big people use when they don't think it's okay at all. Manny has learned that by now.

He feels like a lot of weight has been lifted off his chest when he hears his mother's footsteps. He can tell it's her by her walk. She always walks like she is sneaking downstairs at night to steal sugarcubes from the jar.

He peeks past Miss Ruth and grins when she sticks her head in the doorway, his bad feelings going away almost immediately. He hopes her bad feelings go away too, and he thinks they must because she grins like she feels better too.

"Mommy!" He says happily. She walks into the classroom and over to where Manny is, leaning down to press a kiss to his head before doing anything else. Manny finds her hand and unfurls her fingers so he can hold it tightly.

"Is everything okay?" She asks Miss Ruth. His mommy speaks like she's got a secret all the time, soft and careful, like she's afraid she's going to speak too loudly or say too much and draw the wrong kind of attention. He asked his Joey and she told him that his mommy has a lot of big person secrets. His Joey never said as much, but he thinks that she does as well.

"It's fine, Annie. He was just asking me about tomorrow. It's—"

Annie cuts off Miss Ruth, which is strange for Manny to hear, because his mother almost never does that. Joey is the one who starts to talk before other people have finished. She's just ready all the time.

"—Father's Day." His mother finishes for Miss Ruth. And for a second Manny is gripping her hand tighter because she is pursuing her lips and wrinkling her forehead and he thinks she might go Away but she doesn't. She squeezes his hand back and this makes him smile because she isn't going anywhere after all.

Miss Ruth smiles like she is very sorry, only Manny isn't sure what she could be sorry about.

"Yes. If you think it would be better for him to stay at home—"

His mommy does the strange Joey-like thing again.

"No, no. Definitely not. He'll be here. I might come up though, or Johanna, do you think that would be okay?" She asks. But it's a question that doesn't really sound like a question. Like when Joey asks in the mornings if he plans on waking up anytime soon. He learned pretty quick that you can't just say "no" and go back to sleep.

"Oh, absolutely! I told him that we could do the activities together too, in case you or Johanna don't make it." Miss Ruth says.

His mother is soft and true again. "Thank you. I really appreciate it."

Manny lets his mommy hold him the entire walk back, even though he is a big boy now. He winds his arms around her neck and rests his face on her shoulder. She pats his back every few minutes.

"Would you like Joey or me to come to school with you tomorrow?" She asks him, once they reach their driveway.

Manny starts to say yes, but then he thinks about Miss Ruth's sad eyes, and the way that she said she couldn't have a Father's Day either. Did that mean she didn't have a father, too? Is her mother coming? Does she even have a mother?

He's suddenly very shaky from thinking of a world where big people or little people don't have mommies. He knows his mommy and his Joey don't have mommies. It's why he hugs them a little tighter at night.

"I could do the activities with Miss Ruth." He finally answers, once they're walking into the kitchen where Joey is slicing something at the counter. "Because she doesn't have a Father's Day either."

His mommy passes him to Joey, who drops the knife quickly and accepts the small boy.

"Annie?" Joey asks, but Annie has a hand pressed over her mouth and Manny can swear for a moment that he can feel her pain in his chest, too. She walks from the room, Manny frowning after her.

His Joey kisses him on both cheeks and it gets a smile from him quick. He loves her more than he loves the sea turtle over the funny-shaped eye that is really a "letter" at school. He looks up at her hair that's so much shorter than his mommy's and her eyes that are so much darker too.

"Did I hurt Mommy's feelings?" He worries.

Joey rolls her eyes. It makes Manny laugh. He is still trying to learn how to do that but he is not as good as Joey is.

"No, you're the only thing that keeps Mommy's feelings unhurt, silly." She tells him, as if she's telling him something basic like the moon shines brightest at night.

Manny thinks about how Joey always makes his mommy tea when she's sad and presses warm washcloths to her forehead when she's sick or Away.

"And you, too." He tells her with a smile.

His Joey bites back a smile and rolls her eyes again (two times in one conversation!).

"Well that took a long time, let me tell you." She says. Manny doesn't know what she means, but it's okay, because she hugs him after she says it.

Annie comes back into the kitchen then, and Manny can see that her eyes are red, but she gives him the biggest smile he's seen all day and then pulls him from Johanna. She hugs him tighter than anyone has, too, and kisses him loudly. Manny thinks to himself that he has to demand to be put down soon, because he's a big boy, but he hugs his mommy tighter. He doesn't always listen to himself.

"You are the sweetest little man in all of Panem," she tells him, and Manny just loves that it rhymes, so he laughs for a while.

* * *

He is a little scared and a little sick feeling at the Father's Day breakfast.

He leaves the room twice to go to the bathroom, even though he doesn't have to go. He knows Miss Ruth loves him because even though she knows he doesn't really need to go, she lets him leave. He walks around the halls for a few minutes until the big fourth graders leave for a bathroom break, and then he hurries back to his classroom.

His friends are all playing with their daddies when he enters. All except for his friend Mar, who is watching as his dad talks to Miss Ruth. Mar walks over to Manny when he sees him.

"Manny, where's your daddy?" He asks curiously, and this was the question that Manny went to the bathroom twice to avoid. He gets worried suddenly that he is going to pee his pants, even though he didn't have to go a minute later. He has a change of clothes here but that would mean he definitely is not a big boy. He scrambles for answers, and while he does, he remembers exactly where to find them.

Manny thinks about bedtime last night. His mommy cuddled up with him and read him three of his favorite books. She always does different voices for all of the characters, unlike his Joey, who gets bored halfway through and makes the characters say things that definitely are not in the book. Manny felt very safe in her arms, in his bed, with his sea lantern shining off a pattern of creatures onto his roof. It was there that she told him she loved him double. Manny reached up and played with her hair (it was what he liked best about his mommy, because it was long and dark and soft and he sometimes liked to imagine he could hide in it) and asked her what she meant. She kissed his head and said _"Some kids have a mommy and a daddy who both love them. You have me and I love you double, both for a mommy and for a daddy." _She had said. And Manny had never felt bad that he didn't have a father. He sometimes was sad because his mommy was sad about it, but he never felt like he had gotten the smallest piece of cake at a birthday party. And he wanted very much to tell her that, because he was sure that was what she wanted to hear, but he didn't know what big person word would mean that. _"I love you double too." _he said instead. And this made his mommy laugh and laugh and laugh. She squeezed him and grinned so wide. _"Oh yeah? How?" _she asked. He tried to tie a knot in her hair as he answered. It was a fun thing to do. _"Some mommies have two kids and you just have me. So I love you for both me and another kid." _And he thought his mommy was going to cry, but then his Joey ran into the room and jumped onto the bed without warning, and this made Manny giggle. He felt even happier when Joey curled up on his other side. _"What am I, sushi?"_ She had asked, and that made his mommy laugh like she was happy, but Manny was confused because he looked and looked at Joey but she did not look like sushi at all. She hugged him tight. _"I love you too, kiddo. So it's safe to say you're loved more than anyone else in your whole class. Don't forget that." _

And he doesn't.

"I don't have a daddy. I have a mommy and a Joey and they love me very much, double." He says with a smile.

Mar looks a little like he got the smallest piece of cake. But he gets over it.

"But where is your daddy if you don't have one?" He asks.

Manny falters because he doesn't really know. It's a question he has never really asked before. So he tells Mar what he is always told.

"He loved me very much, but he isn't here anymore, even though he wanted to be." He says.

Mar is asking one more question when his father and Miss Ruth turn their attention to the conversation the two boys are having.

"Will he ever come back?"

The adults step in to soften the damage of that question, but Manny just stares at Mar, a confident smile on his face and a warmth in his heart. Finally, an easy question. He likes those questions.

"One day." He says.

After all, his mommy and his Joey leave sometimes even though they don't want to, but they always return. He knows instinctively that people don't leave the people they love forever and ever. Only for a little while.

* * *

His mommy shows up for the Father's Day field trip, even though Manny told her she didn't have to. He is glad, because even though he's having a lot of fun with Miss Ruth, he misses the coconuty pineappley smell of his mommy's hair and the softness of her hands.

She's in a swishy skirt that is soft and Manny likes how it sways in the sea breeze.

"I thought you might like it, look at what's on it!" She tells him, and when Manny sees the sea turtle print, he wraps his arms around her leg tightly because he is certain she is the best person in the whole entire world.

They walk along the shore, Miss Ruth with her No Father, Mar with his Father, Meredith with her Father, and on and on and on, until Manny with his Mother. Miss Ruth tells them about a famous sea god and how he protected his children, and Manny's mommy holds his hand.

"Like your daddy," she tells him with a smile. "He protected you like that, and everyone else here, too."

Manny feels like he got the whole entire cake. And for once, he doesn't even care that that means everyone else in his class didn't even get a piece at all.

They all spread out worn towels or quilts over the sand and have a snack. Manny leans against his mother's side and hugs her tight tight tight.

"Today I love you triple." He says, and when his mother laughs, he thinks that it sounds prettier than the sea.

"Just today, huh?" She asks, her eyes twinkling like Christmas tree lights. She tickles him and he shrieks happily, hiding his face underneath her arm.

"No, all the time!" He exclaims. The words feel good because they are the truth.

He looks around the shore at all the other kids. Their fathers love them, but he is the only one whose mommy came all the way out here even though it was Father's Day and not Mother's Day. He thinks then that his daddy must have loved his mommy because she does things like that.

They eat strawberries dipped in sugar (his mother even lets him have two sugarcubes without strawberries because he likes the way they dissolve) and Manny tells her about his day.

"I had fun but I'm glad you came." He tells her, after his retelling.

Her arm is warm around his shoulders.

"I'm glad I came too." She says.

Manny thinks about his mother then, about how she wakes him with tickles and kisses and sings to him when he wakes up with nightmares. He thinks about how she kisses his cuts and skinned knees even though he can tell blood makes her sad. He remembers the time that they were driving with the windows open and his favorite blanket went flying out the open window and she walked up and down the entire road twice in the hot sun until she found it (and then she washed it for him so it smelled like home and not Lostness). But most of all he remembers the security of the love that is always leaking in her eyes, and the warmth of knowing that she will never, ever leave him. Not for long, and definitely not forever ever. And he knows that one day, they will all be a big family again. His mommy, his daddy, his Joey, and him. (And maybe Star, when he tells his mother about her).

"I think we should have two Mother's Days, because I love you double." He tells her.

When he looks up at her, he is sure that everyone here must be so jealous, because she looks happier than anyone he has ever seen. And nicer and prettier too.

"Then we'd need two Manny Days." She says with a smile. "And a Joey Day, too."

"Two Joey Days!"

"You think?"

"Yes! One for how much you love Joey and one for how much I do."

"Okay. Then we need three Manny days, because your daddy still needs a day for you, even though he isn't here."

"Yeah! And we can have three Father's Days! One for you, one for me, one for Joey." He says excitedly. He thinks of something then and says it before he forgets. "But don't forget that's three for you, too, Mommy. Because there should be a day for how much Daddy loved you."

His mommy is sadhappy. She smiles a nice smile.

"Of course." She says.

Manny knows these days aren't on the calendar at school, but they are real on _his_ calendar, and that's all that matters. After all, as Miss Ruth said, the purpose of these days is to celebrate love. And as Manny thinks as they walk back to school, he needs a whole bunch to cover all the love in his life.

He smiles at his mother and swings their joined hands back and forth. They both got the whole cake.


End file.
